how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
