why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
