when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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