i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
