She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
