am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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