I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
