You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
