Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
