my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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