sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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