i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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