I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
