I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
