EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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