I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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