Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
