Are we in a gay sports bar?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
