Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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