Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
