Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
