fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
