Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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