She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
