i don't like sucking hair
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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