So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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