Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
