She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
