You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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