Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
