Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she pinky promised me she was 18
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
