My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
