We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
