Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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