Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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