i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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