Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
