I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
