she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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