Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
