i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
