If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My cat gives me a boner
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
