Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
