I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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