I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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