theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
