I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
