So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
