She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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