I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
