I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
