I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
