I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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