So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
