I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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