If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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