Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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